Every 21 seconds, someone in the U.S.
suffers a Brain Injury
ACKNOWLEDGED A MAN
Barbara Del Buono
The true story of a senseless, violent crime.
Inspiring story of a young man whose life was changed forever by Brain Injury.
Barbara Del Buono has chronicled the events that took place as a result
of this tragic event into a powerful, inspiring book - ACKNOWLEDGED
A MAN, Survivor of Assault in the YMCA.
From a place deep inside, she deals
with the anger, the pain, the courage it took to help Nick recover what
was left of his life. Nick's incredible will to live, unceasing faith
in God, undaunted spirit and amazing grace under conditions most of
us can't even imagine are awesome and inspiring. He participates in life
as a gentle, wise, endearing man.
The dramatic life change that this family
deals with leaves the reader uplifted and inspired. Barbara shares the
peace found in forgiving and the triumphs she, as Nick's caregiver,
discovered in home rehabilitation.
Barbara can help all of us who deal with tragedy find ways to cope and
take charge of our changed lives in a new and wonderful way.
Barbara served on the first Governor's Task Force on Brain Injury in
the United States.
EXCERPTS FROM ACKNOWLEDGED A MAN
Nick, 25 and single, is the second of
our eight children. He is one of the few men who actually liked Basic
Training in the Air Force. He loved the condition of his body
and maintained it. He had joined the Y six weeks earlier and was
working out in the Bar Bell Club at the YMCA on that fateful afternoon.
We received the phone call every parent
dreads – “this is the emergency room at St. Mary’s
hospital…we were led to believe it was nothing too serious.
Upon arrival, we were not taken to see our son, we were directed into
a room with a waiting policeman. “Your son has been hit in the
head with a baseball bat.” The words stung me – a baseball
bat? Why? In the YMCA?
Nick was bleeding from the mouth and
nose. His entire face was so disfigured he was hardly recognizable.
When I saw him I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.
Seeing his bruised and swollen face made me feel like vomiting.
Nick had sustained two fractures of the skull, one on each side of his
head, a fracture of the jaw, lacerations on his forehead and on the
back of his head.
It would be three weeks before the doctor
discovered another blood clot; his brain had been bleeding all this
time! Nick wasn’t injured once; he was injured over and over
and over again. Treatment was not given or was withheld or delayed
for many explainable reasons. He was not taken to a trauma center
with state-of-art medical equipment to handle this kind of injury.
The belief that he would die or even
should die may have caused decisions to be made that
delayed use of those measures that were available to save him from more
damage. The doctor said Nick’s chances of coming out of coma were
zero. A friend, Dr. Reynolds, frankly told us that the doctors
were hoping Nick would die during one of the times he had pneumonia,
probably out of a sense of compassion for Nick and us.
The medical profession had made no provisions for caring for patients
in Nick’s condition. John and I along with four other families
in similar situations formed the Brain Injury Association of Connecticut.
Brain Injury Associations now exist in every state with the national
headquarters in Virginia.
Joseph Tramontano, 32, divorced and was, much to our shock, in charge
of the weight lifting room at the Y. Stories of this man’s violent
temper came flooding in to all members of our family. At the first court
appearance, his $50,000 bond was reduced to $10,000. A friend in the
courthouse let us know that the Attorney General for the state of CT
was in the courthouse that day. He is also the uncle of Joseph Tramontano
– and his law firm was representing Tramontano! We were constantly
fearful that some how, some way, the attorney general would get his
nephew ‘off.’
John and I were in the incredible position of having to sue the YMCA.
We believed that Y officials were responsible for the injuries Nick
sustained due to their negligent supervision of Joseph Tramontano. The
first piece of evidence, however, came from Nick’s membership card.
A former client brought us another crucial piece of evidence. The Constitution
and By-laws of the National Council made them responsible for the operation
of local YMCA’s and the programs they offer to the public.
Medical personnel and machines had saved
Nick’s life...His needs were unending; nevertheless there was a newfound
peace in being with him. We had to assist Nick in his efforts
to move his limbs again, help him speak again and stimulate his mind.
While reading to Nick I came upon a poem that described his life so
poignantly:
A Man,
by Emily Dickinson
Fate slew him, but he did not drop; she felled – he did not fall –
impaled him on her fiercest stakes – he neutralized them all.
She stung him, sapped his firm advance, but when her worst was done,
and he, unmoved, regarded her, acknowledged him a man.
ENDORSEMENTS:
We gratefully acknowledged the following endorsements which appear on
the jacket of Acknowledged A Man - Survivor of Assault in the YMCA:
"It takes an exceptional individual and family to realize that
what is evil is not an affliction but a response lacking compassion
towards the individual and family experiencing the affliction. "
Bernie Siegel, M.D., Author Love, Medicine & Miracles and Prescriptions
For Living
"This book should be on the 'must read'
list of all health care professionals. “
Yehuda Ben-Yishay, PhD.,
Professor of Clinical Rehabilitation Medicine, NYU School of Medicine,
Director, Brain Injury Day Treatment
Program, Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine
"It is indeed a harrowing -
and instructive - tale, and I admire your candor in telling it."
Michael Korda, Corporate Vice President, Editor-in-Chief, Trade
Division, Simon & Schuster; Author of: Man To Man
"Defendants committing fraud and hiding evidence, doctors who
don't know how to treat Brain Injury and don't care are more common
than we think."
Attorney Lawrence J. Smith, Chairman,
Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) Litigation Group,
Association of Trial Lawyer of America (ATLA)
BOOK REVIEWS:
Dallas Morning News:
"Nick Del Buono went to the Waterbury YMCA one day to lift weights
and was carried out in a coma, brutally beaten. Doctors gave him no
chance of survival, much less of living a normal life again. His parents
refused to give up, however, and through their tireless efforts, Nick
slowly began to recover. The Del Buono's eventually discovered that
their son's attacker was a YMCA instructor, so they sued. (Local Y's
are affiliated with but not completely governed by the national organization;
individual Y's are free to establish and manage their own programs.)
Every parent - make that every citizen - should read this harrowing
story of one family's crusade to reform an institution and rehabilitate
its loved one."
The Connecticut Law Tribune
"Acknowledged a Man: Survivor of Assault in the YMCA is the story
of one man's struggle for vindication after he was assaulted with a
Louisville Slugger baseball bat in the Waterbury YMCA weight room. On
one level, the book chronicles her son's struggle for life as, defying
his doctors' predictions, he slowly and miraculously recovers from his
debilitating injuries. On another level, her book illustrates a fascinating
pursuit of justice, both civil and criminal."
Journal of the International Neuropsychological
Society:
"The account of her son is touching but it also details the issues
that are unique to family members. It deals with her difficulties in
finding the appropriate hospitals, and dealing with insurance companies;
it covers their entire legal process and the growing strength of the
family that had to occur in order for them to get over these hurdles.
It became painfully clear to me that living inside an injured brain
requires the dedicated efforts of an entire 'village' to assist such
patients. Yet, in the USA, the trend for making resources available
for the treatment of TBI patients is going the wrong way. Let us - patients,
families, insurance companies and health care providers - each do our
part to reverse this trend."
Ronald M. Ruff, Director of Neurorehabilitation,
Associate Adjunct Professor Dept. of Neurosurgery,
Writer's Digest:
"This could not have been an easy book to write. The author's pain
-and anger - are evident in the narrative and understandably so. Writing
this book is courageous and driven from a place deep inside-possibly
cathartic, a warning to others, and a helpful, supportive tool.
Del Buono's use of imagery-primarily, the Three-headed-Dragon provides
a way to organize the story of her son's assault at a local YMCA that
results in a Brain Injury and a dramatic life change for the entire
family. Additional imagery, her son's 'visions' of angels and dragons,
strengthens the metaphors.
Del Buono writes descriptively and with emotion. She chronicles events
and feelings, creating an intimacy with the reader. In the face of adversity,
she and her family mobilize and fight the Three-headed Dragon for what
they believe is right, resulting in a civil suit win."
Publisher’s Marketing Association:
"A harrowing story of a gruesome attack, his medical odyssey, the
Y's possible responsibility in having people unsupervised in their buildings.
Damning to criminal justice system in this case and to the apathy of
the YMCA national organization. Useful Appendix. Good book, well written,
for families who must deal with Brain Injuries."
"The cover doesn't fit! It seems too inappropriate for such a loving
story of a mother for her son! I understand it now, but would not probably
have bought the book because of the cover. Oh, what I would have
missed."
Readers Testimonials:
The readers of your labor are your most valued critics. We can't thank
these people enough for taking the time to write and tell us how
Acknowledged A Man affected them.
"I just wanted you to know that this was a great book. You gave
the "real" story about brain injury and not the "sugar
coat" which usually happens…”
Stacey Clark, BIA NY State
“An extremely well written book about
the changes a loving and caring family go through when their son is
viciously attacked. Highly recommend to all in medical field dealing
with the 'long term' injured. This book should be mandatory reading
for any individual contemplating a career in physical therapy or rehabilitation
IF they are interested in learning about the patient's viewpoint. An
excellent look at the medical profession, legal system, and a YMCA through
the heart and eyes of a family forced to deal with them 'head on'. A
real eye-opener to those serving in positions of responsibility on local
boards of national organizations.”
Barnes & Nobel On-Line Review
"This is the greatest book I ever
read, I couldn't put it down…” Fran Prater
Author of a marvelous, heart-rending, uplifting book…”
Ed Flynn, host of WATR's Talk of the
Town
"I highly encourage you to get the book and see what she did with
and to the system to get her son to where he is today. Without her grit
and sacrifice, he would have never made it."
"What a great book! I am sitting
there wiping my eyes and trying hard to keep my strength.”
"I was spellbound by your story. I could not put your book down.
The power of your LOVE and COURAGE brought me to tears many times."
Lisa Harrison
"We all have our cross to bear!
One's own appears small after reading your book."
"I am overwhelmed…We appreciate your efforts in advocating and
fighting to move people out of the stone-age in treating Brain Injury."
"She makes you feel you are pulling the load she is pulling…”
Sarah Torselli
"Excellent - I couldn't put it down until completed."
"A very strong and powerful book, very worthwhile reading."
Lamore Dudley
"The tragedy of this story is the flaws of our society…The glory
of this account is the love, courage and dedication of his family who
reached for the possible and ignored the adversity."
"The story of Nick is tragic, yet one of triumph of the human spirit,
trusting in God…" Willa White
"I read your book a week ago and it has stayed with me every minute
since I finished it." Jackie Cowen
"We were enthralled with each chapter…"
"Thank you for helping so many families that deal with TBI…"
Blanche Elwell
"I started reading it and could not put it down...”
Terri Drum
YMCA
You slobs put the weights away after
using them
This is to all you slobs, keep the
room clean, that means you.
How would your react if you were confronted
with these signs on the wall of the YMCA?
Nick Del Buono didn’t like them and
this resulted in his being severely injured by an “ex” volunteer
staff leader of the YMCA who attacked him with a baseball bat in their
weight lifting Bar Bell Club.
The programs offered through your YMCA
are not regulated and enforced by the national YMCA.
The national YMCA claims that each local
YMCA is “independent” and “autonomous” and can do things “any
way they want to.”
Barbara believes that the national
YMCA may be practicing “naked licensing” of its trademarks
“YMCA” and “Y” by allowing them to be used in this manner.
If the national YMCA does not take control
of the programs offered to the public through the use of its trademarks,
Barbara believes the YMCA should lose them for not “exercising legitimate
control” over their own trademarks as the U.S. Code requires.
Had there been national standards that
the board of directors had to follow, the signs would not have been
on the wall of the YMCA, no crime would have been committed, and Nick
Del Buono would not have a Traumatic Brain Injury.
“National YMCA may have something
bigger to explain, why it collects millions of dollars each year from
local Y’s for the right to use it’s famous trademark name yet has
not control, which lawyers say trademark law requires.”
RIGHT TO DIE
Judges are deciding whether or not it
is legal to starve someone to death. Imagine, your child is in
a serious accident, goes into a coma and needs to be fed through a tube.
Is it humane to take feeding tubes away? Is starvation cruel and
unusual punishment?
Thousands would protest if criminals on death row were systematically starved, says Barbara Del Buono. In Oregon, physician assisted suicide increased by 68% in one year. This is an issue currently being decided in Florida, California, Alabama and Delaware; and it is an issue that every state will have to weigh in on. An impassioned advocate for this and other quality of life issues, Barbara’s interest is personal. Her son, Nick has a Traumatic Brain Injury.
Who has the right to decide when another person should die and how they should die?
What is the difference between pulling
the plug on a respirator and disconnecting the feeding tube?
All organ donations (except kidney and
cornea) are from victims of Traumatic Brain Injury.
Tort Reform
Tort cases make up only 10% of all civil cases.
Only 2% of people injured in hospitals due to malpractice file a case.
16,000 trial courts in all 50 states report no evidence of an increasing number of tort cases
Punitive damages are awarded in only
6% of cases.
If tort reform is enacted, and you are
injured, will you get just compensation for loss of your hand, your
eyesight, loss of your ability to read?
Motor vehicle accidents, drunken driving
incidents, assaults, gun shot injuries and other violent acts are reported
daily. Many of these result in TBI and other serious personal
injuries.
Should congress or a jury of your piers
decide for you what just compensation should be for physical injuries
that may affect the rest of your life?
Will tort reform hurt you if you are
seriously injured in an accident or become a victim of violent crime?
Do you believe juries act fairly after
having listened to facts presented in court?
SPORTS AND TBI
300,000 people will sustain a sports related concussion this year.
Football Brain Injuries occur at a rate of one in every 3.5 games.
5% of soccer players will sustain a Brain Injury.
The head is involved in most baseball injuries.
Horseback riding will account for 6,000
Brain Injuries.
Are children playing soccer, football
or riding a bike in danger of a TBI?
Multiple concussions lead to permanent
brain injuries.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Barbara served on the first Governor’s Task Force on Brain Injury in the US. She is a founding member of the Brain Injury Association of Connecticut (BIAC). She is the founder of the Waterbury Chapter TBI Support Group and served as chairman for three years. Barbara along with her husband were care-givers for their son Nick at home for 22 years. Barbara is a speaker and advocate for TBI survivors at school, medical seminars, radio and TV shows.